Hurt
by Yellow Daffodil
Summary: Very Angsty story of regret. Rated M for safety. I never told her I love her...


A/N: This story was written while I was in a very angsty, sad mood. I have not abandoned my other story. I have writers block, and i actually dont have time to write. I have a lot going on in my life right now, i am very sorry. This story was written so you dont think i've dissapeared off the face of the earth, lol. And because i am really sad.

This story is un-betaed.

Rating: M

Summary: I've hurt myself by hurting you…

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter or Christina Aguilera.

Hurt

_**Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face**_

_**You told me how proud you were, but I walked away**_

_**If only I knew what I know today**_

It's a week just after her funeral. I think of Hermione almost constantly. I've tried to keep up my 'play-boy' ways, just to keep my mind off her. But a different girl every night still won't keep my mind off of her.

Her voice haunts me at night.Screaming, whispering _"Draco...Draco...". _

The way her eyes lit up when she made me smile.

The looks of dissapointment, hurt, sadness, when I coldly demanded her to leave after one of our 'sessions'.

_**I would hold you in my arms**_

_**I would take the pain away**_

_**Thank you for all you've done**_

_**Forgive all your mistakes**_

Now when I think of her, all the things I tormented her about don't seem so bad. Her hair was more curly than bushy. Her small chest suited her. She was beautiful in a less obvious way, unlike the cliché look all the other girls have: straight hair, huge chest, legs for miles. All I ever think is how unlike Hermione they are.

_**There's nothing I wouldn't do**_

_**To hear your voice again**_

_**Sometimes I wanna call you**_

_**But I know you won't be there**_

I just wish I could apologize, start all over. I would tell her how much of an idiot I've been. And that I love her. I never told her that I've always loved her. I'm pitiful.

_**Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you**_

_**For everything I just couldn't do**_

_**And I've hurt myself by hurting you**_

All this because 'I was stressed. I needed an outlet.' I knew she wouldn't refuse, no matter how against it she was. No matter how immoral the thought of sex without commitment is. She did it for me. Because she thought she would never be with me otherwise. I know because she told me.

_**Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit**_

_**Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss**_

_**And it's so hard to say goodbye**_

_**When it comes to this, oooh**_

I feel like dying. It was me that drove her to such pain that she chose to end it in such a way. I still feel her breath on my neck, still hear her voice in my ear, still see her beautiful brown eyes looking at me with such love and longing…

_**Would you tell me I was wrong?**_

_**Would you help me understand?**_

_**Are you looking down upon me?**_

_**Are you proud of who I am?**_

Sometimes I dream that she's looking down on me, smirking beause we both know I deserve this pain. I always knew she loved me.

_**There's nothing I wouldn't do**_

_**To have just one more chance**_

_**To look into your eyes**_

_**And see you looking back**_

Sometimes I cry, wishing I never treated her so bad. Before any of this happened, I resented her. She bested me at everything. Every summer father beats me for being second to a mudblood. I made up the excuse that I was stressed out from my family, I needed release. With absolutely no strings attached. She complied, of course. I took out my previous anger and resentment of her. I took out my frustrastion of being so close, yet so far. I took out my family frustrations. Whenever I had a bad day, she left with bruises. When I saw them the next day, I felt like a monster. Sometimes I was gentile and treated her the way I felt for her. But that was far too rare for her to make anything of it.

_**Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you**_

_**For everything I just couldn't do**_

_**And I've hurt myself, ohh**_

I called her names not for any particular reason. First it was because I didnt like her, years ago. Then it was just to keep up appearances. My father has been in Azkaban for 2 years. I could have stopped. I could have had a real relationship with her. But father instilled too much fear for me to disregard him, even with little hope of seeing him again.

_**If I had just one more day**_

_**I would tell you how much that I've missed you**_

_**Since you've been away**_

_**Ooh, it's dangerous**_

_**It's so out of line**_

_**To try and turn back time**_

I never apologized. I never fathomed thought she would leave me like this. I never told her I love her. I never even gave her a fucking compliment.

_**I'm sorry for blaming you**_

_**For everything I just couldn't do**_

_**And I've hurt myself by hurting you**_

I deserve to suffer for the rest of my life, but I can't take it. I think this even as I slip my head through the loop of rope I made. Without a thought, I step off the chair, welcoming the hard pressure around my neck. My vision swims with unshead tears

"I'm sorry Hermione..." I whisper, feeling the tears overflowing.

A/N: Very sad, yes? Please tell me what you think. I had a prequel to this written, but unfortunately it is gone. If I get enough reviews asking for it, I will re-write it.

The song I used is Hurt by Christina Aguilera.


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